Always in research mode still weighing options and places to go, what to do, and how to end up where I thank I’ll thrive, is overwhelming. Not like how I was accepting how deep anti blackness was when I started this intentional search in 2017. I’m secure in this next step because our world is too big and the opportunities so infinite for me to continue to not push bounds. Boundaries and environments that need to develop and diminish theoretically and in practice.
Doesn’t that sound fucking exhausting? It is. It has to be. This Diaspora has conditioned many of us however that this has always been the path. That we are literally our ancestors wildest dreams, and in the way I see it, just one step towards your next incarnation, whether that be through the next generation, veneration as an ancestor, and/or reincarnation.
I don’t want proximity to the stereotype and reality I have seen of Black woman who sacrifice till there’s nothing there, who dreams and never gets to act, who plays the game waiting for the ‘right time’. It’s hard to see a future limited to anything I know right now. My soul is still restless and I revel in the opportunity to continue that journey mostly by myself at this time. That’s not a boundary of emotional availaibility, but