As in yaw hee nigga
“Can you wake up so I can go?”
This is the first thing I heard when I woke up this morning. I wonder which ancestor was being so impatient lol…
After a heavy week of sorting thoughts, and talking with god, this meant a lot to me.
So many signs from the universe have guided and affirmed my recent decisions. This was a big affirmation for me.
The research, work, and connections I have been making just in this year, have been so rewarding.
What I love is the strength of my intuition. My connection to the universe, my ancestors, space, and time all feels right, it all feels empowering.
So much so, that the more I try to explain and share, the less magic I feel from all I have been experiencing.
To stand in this moment reflecting on the past month, I will share my sights and sounds.
I have been more anxious than I have been in such a long time time.
For the past month, my anxiety has been manifesting more extremely physically - panic attacks and breakdowns in public. And finally, after a bombardment of triggering events, I decided to go back to my original full time job I started in 2017, my own healthcare.
Feeling unsafe physically and mentally is something I have not felt in such a long time. And to go back to that state has been depressing af. My depression is always real, but this feels like a relapsing milestone, like I’ve gone backwards on my path.
Life in Chicago has been snowballing for so long. I have voiced how isolating, boring, and plain miserable life here has been for a long time. Besides the shit environment, the demands of my job on my body - mind, being without any balance of support of friends here is unbearable. And yet I did it for over a year, and now still 7 months alone…and I’m over it.
I am proud of myself, not mad with myself.
The truth is that there are lessons and everything, and our growth never goes backwards, a path is just revealed. And, the path that I am on is one that’s about to transplant into a loving environment of creativity and Chacho’s.
Revolution, has many sounds.
Self- love has many sounds.
Joy has many sounds.
These songs evoke each of those parts in me, and have been a soundtrack to surviving Chicago.
Jungle Brothers - Black is Black
Lil Bibby - Made Nigga
G Herbo - On My Soul
Tom. G - Hunnid Roundz
Double S ft Skepta - Certy
Takeoff - Casper
Splack Pack - Let me Cya Work It
1TakeJay - To Da Neck
The Dayton Family - FBI
Mouse and Level - I Bet U Wont
Smokepurpp ft Lil Pump - Nephew
Kilbourne, davOmakesbeats, AH-MER-AH-SU. - Somebody
Chief Keef - Outerspace Glo
DRAM - Sweet VA Breeze
Lumidee - Never Leave You
Cuban Doll - Bankrupt
P. Diddy - I Need a Girl
Juicy J, Project Pat, Gucci Mane - 30 inches
Below are pictures from my amazing time in Johannesburg. JHB is just as amazing as you think it is. It is beautiful, and each of these photos takes me back to how sublime it felt.
[I pray we all see the beauty and depth in storytelling around mental illness in trap!!!]