Hesna's Half Year-Half Bitch check in pt 1

Hesna's Half Year-Half Bitch check in pt 1

Six months into this year and I’m still feeling accomplished.

I’m proud that I went on my first solo international trip, that I’ve held my boundaries no matter how uncomfortable the situation, and most of all that I haven’t given up on my dreams. Dreams that specifically are grounded in surviving this miserable lifetime of white nonsense hypercapitalism.

[imagine description] #FreeJT our darkskin queen giving us the City Girl “PERIODT” with a self assured hand gesture.

[imagine description] #FreeJT our darkskin queen giving us the City Girl “PERIODT” with a self assured hand gesture.

These are the goals I set out with, plus an honorable mention to keep out toxic irrelevant hoes 2k19.

Where am I on these goals?

Lots of lol’s and clarifications.

Clarification one being that while this is not how I currently imagined myself to be living or feeling, I’m still on the path I outlined for myself.

All of these goals are about bridging where I am with who I want to be/am proud to be.

Easier said than done

  1. lol

  2. lol-self accountability

  3. oh we did that bih

  4. oh we does that bih

  5. we’ve had to become more clear on that, and think about a mixture of where/who I want to be

  6. lol

  7. we been on that yoga shit !

  8. lol

  9. lol

  10. lol

  11. lol

In conclusion, these resolutions did not revolve around my faults like they had before. These were about centering myself and practicing a lifestyle I envision as ideal. What I appreciate most has been my ability to adapt with my needs and thoughts, having allegiance to self, having a grounded world vision.

What’s been interesting is those that have motivated my reflections in internal + spiritual work have faded. Losing themselves, losing me, losing place in my universe. It’s okay tho~

 

Still, there’s more than one thing I’m accomplishing and proud about.

What I get out of writing yearly goals is not envisioning thee future, but understanding the factors that have to get you there. In my results oriented capricorn thinking, that can hold me back - as many a horoscope and tarot reading this month have taught me:

[One of my countless to-be tattoos is Gerald from  Hey Arnold!  by Craig Bartlett. From one of my most memorable episodes where in a strawberry suit, Gerald says “the journey is in the destination man”.]

[One of my countless to-be tattoos is Gerald from Hey Arnold! by Craig Bartlett. From one of my most memorable episodes where in a strawberry suit, Gerald says “the journey is in the destination man”.]


This type of patience is the kind that many do not have the range for in their lifetimes. Giving up on dreams is synonymous with adulthood. What I’ve been realizing is that for me, long term goal setting is hard not only because of trauma but because I have accomplished so much of what I have set out to do. That’s not from intense, long cultivated interests per say, more so capricorn + air placement skrong intensity and manifestation when it comes to will.

And while this quote has stuck with me awhile, I’ve usually interpreted it as,‘the process is just as important or necessary as the goal.’

Now, I an entrenched in the belief that the process determines the goal. One informs the other of course. But building on that, I must shoutout the de facto aquarius quote that time isn’t real.

I used to say this more often than not, and have needed to remind thyself!!! Not only for my own patience with pace, but accepting all feelings and how long they need to simmer, no matter how inconvenient. And from what I’ve focused on today, accepting my goals, wants, and needs are changing.

 

So are my dreams changing?

Screen Shot 2019-06-23 at 10.16.29 PM.png

Am I just a yung person trying to figure it all out?

Of course.

This is only a setback if I feel I’ve wasted my time and nothing matters. What I’ve gotten from this path so far is that I can do anything, and luckily I have a passion for what I do. It’s a conflict of opportunity rather than interest.

Niggas got plans and continue to accomplish them bih ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and yet yall still haven’t supported the cause?

cashapp- $hesna venmo @hesnabeep

By Myself Thee Wave Check pt 2

By Myself Thee Wave Check pt 2

the kink💦 of accountability

the kink💦 of accountability